Wednesday, February 11, 2015

a letter to my single self

this month i am co-hosting the circle link up with Kiki! join us! write a letter to your past self & link up your post below!



Past-Robyn,

you've always been that kid who knows who she is and what she wants. that's a good thing. but college is about to be a whole new playing field for you. you are about to experience new things and meet lots of new people, so don't lose yourself along the way.

the stigma of being single is worse at a Christian college. i wish it wasn't, but it is. even though right now you are okay with being single, when you enter into that environment, it will start to wear on you. you will get annoyed a lot, but at the same time you will learn so much. resist the urge to roll your eyes every time you hear "ring by spring", "MRS degree" or "it will happen when you least expect it". some days will be just plain hard. so keep these close to your heart & remind yourself of them each day.

we were made for relationships. and it's okay to want one. it's okay to want to get married. Jesus is the only one who can complete you, but a spouse can compliment you. that's how God set marriage up. it's not a sin to long for that. but just make sure marriage doesn't become number one. Jesus first, marriage second. always. 

have patience. not patience because you're "waiting on a guy" - no, i mean patience with people who ask you about your singleness. you will need so much patience every time you hear "why are you single?" or "have you found a man yet?" i honestly think people don't hear the way it comes across, or they are just at a loss for small talk. respond to the questions honestly, but do it with grace.
(when you start dating Thomas, you will constantly hear "when are you guys getting married?" and when you are married, you will constantly hear "when are you having kids?" - these questions require just as much patience and grace!)

being single just stinks sometimes. it's one of those things in life that is just tough. when you struggle with being single, it does not mean that you don't love Jesus enough. it does not mean that God is punishing you. it does not mean that relationships are an idol in your life (although it could mean that, so check your heart). it just is what it is. 

you do have amazing opportunities right now. it's just a fact, without kids or a husband you have more independence and more freedom. embrace that. while it's okay to want a relationship, don't stop living your life to dream of the future. embrace where you are in life at this moment, because you never know when your path will change. (that goes for ALL seasons of life, not just singleness)

your worth is found in Jesus. really hang on to that truth. you want to know who you are and how much you are loved? look to Jesus. life is so much more than being single vs. married & future-Robyn is so glad that you will learn that lesson early!

so for now, just know this. it's okay to get frustrated about being single. it's okay to just face the fact that it stinks. those feelings are legitimate because it's a struggle, but don't let those feelings affect the way you live your life. don't buy into the lie that your relationship status is equal to your value. take those feelings to the Lord & lay them down at His feet. He will carry the load for you. your worth is not defined by your relationship status - it is defined by Jesus Christ. don't you ever forget that!


love,              
Future-Robyn








23 comments:

  1. A nice letter. I want to school in Utah and was surprised how many of them wanted to get married. Some went to school for that reason only. It was foreign to me growing up in Canada as no one really talked about that or was thinking of marriage. Love the pictures.

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  2. I'm glad you did find someone to marry, but yes we need to remember that our worth is not found in whether or not a guy likes us but if we have Jesus :)

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  3. I just loved this! I love how we're twins again but I LOVED reading a letter that was same topic as mine but had a different perspective! Jesus first, marriage second is SO true! As is finding our worth in Jesus- I still need to keep working on that.

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  4. SOOOOO good. So very, very good.


    As a present single lady, I feel like you really hit the nail on the head when it comes to singleness wisdom and advice. I love that you not only filled your letter with encouragement, but a reminder to have grace for others (who ask those good-hearted but not-necessarily-well-accepted questions). :)


    Thanks for this letter AND for co-hosting!

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  5. p.s. I am SO sorry your photo didn't show up in my post! I promise I added it--it somehow got deleted in the process or something. Your beautiful face is back up on my blog now, though! :)

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  6. I love this post, Robyn!

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  7. robyn, i love this. <3 i don't really know what else to say except that i love it. <3

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  8. "it's just a fact, without kids or a husband you have more independence and more freedom"
    that is so true! thanks for the transparency and honesty. i love that. i wish i had embraced my singleness more, instead i was constantly searching. singleness is such a blessing, and i wish i would have seen it that way.


    thanks robyn!

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  9. I was single for a very, very long time...and one of the things that I learned was that I needed to be OK on my own. Being Ok on my own meant that I was out there taking advantage of all those opportunities that were mine simply because I was single. Wonder of wonders, while I was busy making a fabulous life for me, I found someone who was excited to be a part of it. Awesome the way that works out.

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  10. "Don't buy into the lie that your relationship status is equal to your value." So true. A person, regardless of their relationship status, is always an individual capable of great things! Thanks for co-hosting this months linkup. Great topic!

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  11. it's hard to be single when it seems like everyone is married--and it's also hard to encourage single friends when you're already married. i love your perspective in this! (and it makes me want to join in on the circle linkup!)

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  12. you are so right! it's a struggle when you're single and ALL of your friends are getting married. and then once you're married it's hard to know how to encourage single friends, b/c you lose credibility since you're in a different season now. but it's so cool for single & married people to do life together and encourage each other :)

    you should join in on the circle link up! Kiki hosts it each month! you can find the topics here! next one is March 11th!

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  13. our culture ties so many things to whether we are single or married & i hate it! that is not what defines us as people!! :)

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  14. exactly Jen!!! single or married - we need to be ok on our own & live our life! take opportunities that come our way!

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  15. thank you Renee! :) constantly searching is so tiring - i wish i had embraced it sooner too! :)

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  16. thanks Bailey! oh the things you see when you look back :)

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  17. that is perfectly alright! :) thanks for letting me co-host Kiki!

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  18. haha yes there are lots of not-well-accepted questions that you have to deal with! but it's easier when you try to think about where the other person is coming from! grace is something we all need to remember! :)

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  19. it was really neat how our letters were the same, but different! :) i need to keep working on finding my worth solely in Jesus as well! i think it's always a battle!

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  20. for some reason we as humans look for our worth everywhere but Jesus! it's a daily battle!

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  21. i think i got that concept from Tim Keller's book The Meaning of Marriage & it's always stuck with me because it's SO true! that's all a spouse can be!

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  22. thanks Ladonna! oh wow - it is crazy in smaller environments like college how things like that can be so different from the community you lived in before!

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