Friday, October 30, 2015

real talk | overwhelm


last year around this time i kind of hit a wall. long story short, i had been working 50-60 hour weeks for about 9 months straight, Thomas was dealing with medical issues, bills kept coming in for those medical issues, and Thomas's job was ending right after the holidays and he hadn't started looking for a new job yet. so in a nutshell my life was 100% stress every day. 

that's where the wall comes in. a stress wall, if you will. and for the past year i've been slammed up against this stress wall and to be honest it's been miserable. it feels like stress has entered every crevice of my life and just stayed there. the littlest things and smallest decisions make me feel completely overwhelmed. even though my circumstances are completely different than a year ago, the stress has remained.

stress has affected my life in a huge way. it's affected the amount and quality of my sleep. it has affected my memory to where i can hardly remember things anymore. it has affected my ability to "shut my mind" off and rest. it has affected my body and i've gained so much weight in a year it's unbelievable. it has zapped me of my energy and left me feeling lethargic. it has left me feeling like i will explode if one more thing gets put on my to-do list.

to be quite honest, i have just had enough of it. i'm done. but how do you eliminate stress in your life when you can't eliminate the stressors? i can't just quit my job, refuse to pay bills, and say that i'm not going to deal with responsibilities. i can't just say i'm not going to be stressed anymore, it doesn't work like that. i have got to make a change because i can't go through another year like this, but where do i even start?

my answer right now is that i don't know. but coming through this past year i've realized that there will always be something that is overwhelming us as humans. it's just life. there is always going to be something taking over, but at the same time we do have a say in what that something is.

i've realized that i need to let Christ overwhelm me instead of letting stress overwhelm me. because when i'm overwhelmed by his love and completely in awe of his grace, there isn't room for much more. 

holding so closely to Christ especially when the world won't quit spinning around me is the only way i know how to tackle overwhelm. the circumstances don't go away and i still have to deal with the reality of life. but what happens is that Christ changes my perspective to be more like his. i start seeing things in a different way, and all of the stress starts to be less important. less present. 


turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face
and the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace


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