Tuesday, June 28, 2016

last week, i quit my job.

i actually turned in my resignation back in April, but this past Thursday was my last day of work. i announced back in April that i was leaving Accounting to pursue my Master of Social Work. the first step to that plan is here at last - i have quit my job & we are moving to a new city this weekend!

you know how when something big happens, like a birthday or a wedding, people ask you if you feel any different? almost always the answer is "no" because it is just another day and you really feel just like the same person you were yesterday. well, today is different, today feels different for me. today i feel free for the first time in a long time. today i feel excited about my tomorrows. today i feel like me again. 

i've needed to read the words of my last post over and over these last few weeks because they have been full of really hard and challenging days. the kind of days where you arrive home, and you just have nothing left to give. the kind of days where you have to learn how to distance yourself because things are affecting your life in a negative way. the kind of days where you feel like you can't shed one more tear, and you can't show up for one more day. the kind of days where you are forced to learn to extend grace, even when you really really don't want to. but today, those days are over at last. 

if i'm honest, these last few years have been hard and challenging. for the longest time i was afraid to admit that i didn't like the corporate world, that it was draining the life out of me. i could hear "you just need to be an adult" and "buck up and get through it" every time i had these thoughts. i started thinking maybe this is just what being an adult is. maybe this is how everyone feels inside.

and yes, growing up and being an adult does mean bucking up sometimes, and sometimes you do have to force yourself to get through things. but there is a difference in hard situations that grow you, and life-draining situations. i've come to realize that these last few years really have drained the life out of me.

i think it was subtle and slow at first, that it just felt like the norm to me for so long. only looking back on it now do i realize how much the strain has changed me these last few years. only now do i see the slow fading of joy and the way a cloud of stress rained over me constantly. that sounds depressing and dramatic, but it is really hard to explain the situation and toxic environment. i have definitely felt a huge weight lift since getting out of it. 

there is so much freedom in being able to admit that now. there is freedom in realizing something just isn't working and taking action to change it. there is freedom in choosing to chase my dreams and Jesus instead of settling for something less than that. there is freedom in taking back my life, and doing what is best for me. there is freedom in making a change that will better my life and relationships. there is freedom in daring to hope.

that is my biggest take away from these last few years. hope is a choice. i can choose to hope in tomorrow, even if today is tough to get through. i can choose to hope in Jesus because He tells me that i can hope in Him. i can choose to hope in the future, even if i can't see passed today. i can always choose to hope. and hope is always there waiting for me, in the arms of Jesus.

what are you daring to hope for today?

Monday, June 06, 2016

some days...

Some days life will feel way too overwhelming. You will need to take a break and let yourself rest. Burnout is a real thing, so be gentle with yourself. When you feel like you don’t have time to take a break, that’s when you need one the most.

Some days you will feel like you can conquer the world. That nothing can stop you from achieving your dreams. That you really could change this world.

Some days you just won't be able to handle it all. That will be most days, actually. You will need to give it to God, ask for help, or just simply say no. That does not mean you are a failure, it means you know how to balance life well and take care of yourself.

Some days you will want to laugh and dance in the rain. Do anything really, to feel like a kid again. (do it!)

Some days you will want to throw your hands up in the air and wish you can just quit. There will be hard and stressful days that are tough to get through.

Some days you will feel like you have things figured out. You’ve made a plan, and things are moving along wonderfully.

Some days you will feel like the whole world is against you. That you can't do anything right. (It's not, and you can.)

Some days you will wonder how this is your life. How you got so lucky to spend life with the ones you love. How you get to be so happy.

Some days you will just have to let it go. Even if you are right, even if there is something that could be said. Sometimes it is better just to let it go, for your own sake.

Some days will be hard, tough, stressful, and make you want to cry. Those days are the ones that stretch us, challenge us, make us better.

But some days... some days will be full of joy, laughter, friends, and everything good in the world that makes your heart swell to ten times its normal size. Those days, my friend, are why the hard days are worth it.

Wednesday, June 01, 2016

project 12 | 2016 | part two

i love having my years captured month by month and plan to keep up with project 12 this year in a few different chunks. you can read about January-March here


we were basically nomads this month, moving from my in-laws to my parents and then back again. we had 15 showings in 8 days though, so we definitely made the right decision to move out while the showings and inspection were going on.

i was also busy with getting an internship interview lined up for school. we do an internship both years which translates to our field practice hours for the program. but you aren't just assigned an internship, you have to be referred and then interview for it as well. so it is like job interviewing which means there is a lot of prep work, and cover letter/resume writing!

Apr 1 - we had 1 showing
Apr 2 - we had 3 showings & we went to Columbia to tour the apartments we chose
Apr 3 - we had 1 showing & we our apartment application was approved, reserved 2nd floor
Apr 5 - we had 1 showing
Apr 6 - the first floor apartment became available
Apr 7 - we had 2 showings
Apr 8 - we had 4 showings & got our first offer on the house
Apr 9 - we had 1 showing & got a second offer on the house, but we accepted the first offer. we also went to the mountains for the afternoon with Thomas's family
Apr 10 - baseball game with my parents
Apr 15 - i told my work that i was leaving & headed to grad school
Apr 16 - day trip with my mom, sister, and nephew to Frozen on Ice
Apr 18 - the inspection was done & we moved back to our house
Apr 20 - the appraisal was done
Apr 22 - i had an interview for a field practice internship
Apr 23 - day trip with my parents to show them the school & our apartment
Apr 26 - inspection negotiations


we always have a busy May because of mother's day and we have 5 people in our families that have birthdays. it is the month of our anniversary also because did you know that we got married on Thomas's birthday?! so when you add in the fact that we are also moving out of our house this same month, it is just crazy!

when we got married in 2013, we got back from our honeymoon on May 25 so that is the day i officially moved in to our house. now in 2016, May 24 is the day we officially moved out of our house. so i basically lived in the house for exactly 3 years to the day. that is just so wild!

we closed on our house on May 31, but we already had our anniversary trip planned for May 26-29 so that's why we had to move our furniture out so early. i am actually glad we already had this trip planned for that weekend, because it forced us to take the weekend off and rest. we have been going non-stop since March working on the house and getting things set up with school/internship, year end craziness at work, cleaning out the house, and getting things set up with our new apartment. it is a lot of work and we needed the rest more than we knew at the time!

right before our vacation, there were a few last minute things the buyers realtor sprung on us, so it was a very hectic and stressful few days leading up to our vacation, and we needed one more than ever. everything eventually got ironed out without us having to spend our trip dealing with the last minute issues, so i was glad that we were able to enjoy most of our vacation. i don't think we can say enough how glad we are to be done with this house selling process!

we don't move to our apartment until the beginning of July, so we will be living with Thomas's parents for the month of June while i finish up at my job. we lucked out with closing being a month and a half after the offer so we only have to be nomads for another month! :)

May 3 - final repair/inspection negotiations done and accepted
May 4 - we signed papers for our storage unit
May 7 - contractor came out to assess the inspection repairs that need done
May 8 - Mother's Day and all May birthdays with both families - busy busy day!
May 9 - repairs were started, i got offered the internship i applied for, and the appraisal came through!
May 10 - plumber came to assess/give us an invoice for repair
May 14-15 - cleaned out the barn and house, started packing up our stuff
May 16 - repairs were finished
May 17 - Thomas's birthday and our third anniversary! we celebrated at The Melting Pot!
May 20-22 - packing, cleaning, and more packing
May 23 - i took the day off to finish up packing for the movers & we spent our last night at our house. we also got a surprise visit from the buyers realtor at 8am telling us the termite inspection would be at 9:30 that morning.
May 24 - movers came to move all our furniture/boxes to the storage unit & we moved in with Thomas's parents... again!
May 25 - we worked on cleaning the house & the buyers decided to get their own contractor
May 26 - buyers contractor came to assess repairs to be invoiced and paid for at closing
May 26-29 - anniversary trip to the mountains
May 30 - moved barn stuff to the storage unit & cleaned the house
May 31 - finished up with the barns & we closed on our house!!!

what have you been up to these last few months?!