Wednesday, April 24, 2019

baby b | the decision


it is fair to say that Thomas caught baby fever long before me, like a few years before. when Thomas and i got married, we discussed adopting kids and having kids biologically. i always knew i wanted kids but i never had the strong pull to have them, until now. for the longest time i thought maybe i would never feel that. until December 29, 2018 as i watched the 60 members of my grandmother's family file into the pews at her funeral.

i started thinking about how awesome it was that she left such a legacy in so many people. she had 14 grandchildren, 32 great-grandchildren, and 5 great-great-grandchildren when she passed. all of these grandchildren are due to the fact that she had 5 children. and i started thinking about how i wanted to have a big family. (probably not 5 children, but probably more than 2)

Thomas and i both came from smaller families, we each have 1 sister. we have talked about having kids before, and we always said we wanted a big family, but we never really defined what that meant. so we talked about how many kids we would realistically like to have, on the 2 hour drive home from my grandmother's funeral.

i started thinking about adoption and biological children, and how that would look. ideally, we would like to have our children in birth order, but we plan on possibly adopting from foster care, so that may not be possible. but who knows, it may still happen that way.

then, i kept thinking about how i'm in my 30's now and it would probably make most sense to have our biological child(ren) before i'm considered a geriatric pregnancy. (which is 35, by the way!) and then continue growing our family by fostering/adopting once we are a little bit more seasoned parents. 

i started thinking about everything that is a factor in this decision, and made a list of things to discuss with Thomas. (i'm real fun to plan things with, haha!) things such as: when i will be eligible for FMLA leave (since i just started my full-time position a few months prior), family vacations we already had booked to Disney, financial decisions on how long to take for leave, etc. 

i honestly started getting so much anxiety about everything that goes into the planning and then ending up with a human being to keep alive! haha! i mean it is exciting but overwhelming, and now here we are with baby b on the way and we are just elated!


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